sad. death.

[fflo]

Paula, my coworker, and not yet as much of a friend as I wish I'd made her, died last night. Her husband, gentle John, walked over to tell us the news.

We're all rather in shock.

I am thinking of how much regret I have that I didn't pursue her friendship more. And I'm thinking of what fun she could be, and how smart and savvy and verbal and witty she was. Irreverent, but not unserious. She had a gravitas that made her light and lightening moments seem all the more to be celebrated. It's only in the context of a sense of familiarity with angst that delight rings so deeply, with such profundity. And she did delight in much---it doesn't take having been her best pal to know that.

Goodbye, PAS. You know you've left a big ghost among us.

Comments

[sprig5.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the loss. I just now heard that a former co-worker's father died this morning. The co-worker is about my age, so her father must have been mid 60s or above.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Sara. I didn't know you were out there, you've been so quiet lately, lj-wise-speaking.

[sprig5.livejournal.com]

haven't been reading lj in a while. hmmmmm. for a while, i was too drugged out-- tell you more soon-- am better now. now i am going to a chiropractor!! tell ya more about that too! so ya travelled to mackinaw for t-giving. never been there, although i've heard about it-- my family went when i was at interlochen one summer -- "fudgies" came to interlochen to see the concerts. would like to hear about that too.

[maffick.livejournal.com]

wow...I don't think anyone could have put it better. Well said. A proper tribute.
Thanks for articulating these thoughts because I have no words at this point of my own and yours give me comfort.
When I said earlier that I'm not sure whether or not I'll be able to make it on Sunday, it's not just the sickness...it's a feeling that I don't know how much more I can take from death right now...I just don't know if I can take it...

[fflo.livejournal.com]

That's certainly understandable, S. It's been a helluva hard time for you lately.

[groovesinorbit]

I'm sorry to hear this, L. Try not to have regrets. You touched each other's lives in good ways, if not deep, and it sounds like she will be remembered. Celebrate that. No regrets.

{{hugs}}

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Thanks, P. I don't suppose I'll ever get used to the way people exist one minute, and then just don't. Gone. Poof. Over.

[groovesinorbit]

I've never gotten used to it either. It's a tough one.

[lovelikeyeast.livejournal.com]

Uch, I'm so sorry. While it is sad that you won't ever have the chance to get to know her better, it sounds like the timing really wasn't ever really right, and that's just how it goes sometimes. Anyways, thinking bout you.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Thank ya, D. It's such a loss to this workplace, it's hard to describe. She's part of "old" MR, even though she was barely 50. Part of what used to be whacky fun about this place, of which now we have mere vestiges, in our concentration-on-productivity ways.

[paperkingdoms]

Unexpected deaths are always hard. ::sends warm thoughts your way::

[fflo.livejournal.com]

thanks---i appreciate it!

[anderyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks for writing some of what I wanted to say about her. I just ... there aren't any words for how it feels without her. Just aren't.

[wednes.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

I often feel that way when someone dies. I lament on the things I wish I'd done differently, wish I'd been a better friend or grandchild or whatever my relationship was. I suspect that this is because anger is easier to swallow than sadness. I hope you're doing okay; and that everyone is pitching in to help "gentle John" thru this time.