dedication

[fflo]

I've been thinking about that notion, and word, today. What it is to be dedicated, and what one dedicates when one dedicates in a transitive fashion. One dedicates reflexively, in a way. Dedicates one's self (to someone/thing) or dedicates something of one's creative production (to someone/thing). There's definitely something of one's attitude toward one's self in the mix. Something that takes itself seriously. And asks to be taken seriously.

Of course I know by now that thinking about a word in a linguistic way is often, in me, a squirreling off away from something else. This kind of observational self-consciousness can be good, helpful, though it can introduce unpleasantness of its own. But ultimately I'm not ambivalent on the wisdom of pursuing it, applying it. I was just e-mailing from a self-examined place to one not in that place, at least with regard to the subject at hand, with the realization that we may not be able to have the conversation I was hoping for at all. 'Slike different languages entirely.

Not looking inward may well be the better choice for some folks sometimes, or always, and for me, sometimes---but not always. Right now I aim to stick with paying attention.

Vague shit, I know. Sorry. It's kind of vague time mentally with me, this afternoon, post b-fast & ReUse & postcard flipping through; now at my library branch, where someone had left a brochure in the ladies' room stall for Girl Scout summer camps, inside the back cover of which was a list of 11 things for girls to do to build/bolster self-esteem (#11 being "Go to Girl Scout camp this summer!"---who knows how good that suggestion might prove). I thought all of the others savvy/legit enough, save #7 or 8---whichever one said to listen to your inner voices, cuz they'll steer you in the right direction in this regard (or words to that effect).

Are there not many of those Girl Scouts who have fucked-up inner voices already? Maybe not. It just stood out as disputable, vs. things like choosing to be around people with positive attitudes, or taking care of yourself physically, or saying "no" to doing things that aren't good for you. Perhaps I'll write to suggest they replace that inner voice one with "Two words: 'Thin Mints.'"

Yes, I've been a free agent of experience and thought today, floating around, seeing what meets me in the world, going with the fflo. The world has stuff to show me today.

That Bob Seger song "Main Street" is about a place that used to be on Ann Street in A².

Will I visit the Great Thistle Patch this afternoon? Paint the sign? Just keep wanderin'? I know not. I care not. Having the kind of freeform Saturday the inner voices never seem to want me to have, anymore, in the post-traumatic-shock days... So fuck #7 or 8. And I'll be drinkin' tonight. Two days in a row. Wooo!

Comments

[fflo.livejournal.com]

she said 'determined'---she had the word i was after at the time.

it IS less showy. it's got gritted teeth, even. it goes with tension headaches if you're not careful. determination's lauded plenty where the protestant work ethic meets capitalism, and/but ('a'?) i'm a little suspicious of it. hope none of that is some sad reaction against its being un-ladylike, or not 'nice'.

so true

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

yes, it is potentially dedication to self-annihilation.

it could be 'a' -- and quite poetically so. there's a nice way 'a' covers the temporality of these contrasts by keeping the contrast 'mild' but persistent. so, for example, you spring could be here, 'a' you could still be sad and waiting, as they do in various traditional songs.

isn't it strange how lady-likeness and determination should be compatible, but they are not? or maybe they are, only not in the execution of goals for which i harbor even remote interest.

this just in

[fflo.livejournal.com]

hey, you're determined to do something, but dedicated to doing it. whaddaya s'pose _that_ means, if anything?

not nearly as mind-fuck-innarestin' as the and/but 'a'. who'da thought a conjunction could be all that.

Re: this just in

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

you don't want to get me starting on the fine distinctions between 'regular verbs and nouns' and gerunds, such as in 'i would like coffee' vs. 'i would like to have lived in x' vs. 'i would like being there.'

speaking of 'a' -- i was just discussing it with tiramisu e, who had never thought about the issue before (!), and we agreed that you can set up an entire 'establishing shot' in a piece of fiction just by using the conjunction.

e.g. she was living in ann arbor, 'a' she didn't have a car [the readers interject here, 'was she supposed to? is it necessary?']

i wrote a letter to the photo editor of the local paper in ns to complain about the shitty work they were doing showing images of the flood, and i said, "...[photographs are bad], [a] it's especially hard to see larger versions of these photographs, when it's possible at all."

ooooooo---

[fflo.livejournal.com]

that's 'a' little extra burn, yes? the (grammatical) implication being that the photographs being bad goes beyond the content of the latter clause? lots of potential with such a conjunction for the subtle diss, or the subtle in general. (of course maybe it just seems subtle to me cuz it's a mystery world.)

i like the idea of an opening sentence with the pregnant (not pause but) 'little' word. and, again, jealous that it don't work in my tongue.

Re: ooooooo---

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

i could have used the plain 'and' but 'a' works better there for emphasis.

i'ts kinda strange that the 'emphatic' conjunction is almost grammatically required. may say something about the inevitable theatricality of serbian(ness) :).