new nickname for me?

[fflo]

It hit me this a.m.: Fat Lot of Good. Or Fat Lot o' Good, or Fat Lotta Good. Sans sarcasm---sincere. I like the flip that flips the flip(ped) back to genuine connotation. Like my mother & me trying to say "Big deal!" sincerely---just those two words, and not as a question.

"Fflo" could also stand for FFat LOtta Good. FLG. yup. Fat Lotta Good, that'll do ya!

It's quite immodest.

Cafe Zola for brunch today. Good. Bought some britches. (Not at Zola.) It was sunny and "warm" by recent standards; the snow's a-meltin'. Could actually see the ground in places in the yard for the first time in a long time when I got home from my gadding about.

I was telling BFD last night (she's walking again, btw) (after a fashion!) that I've been thinking about something in what you might call personality management (one's OWN personality, that is) that I can't think how to describe better than the somewhat annoying expression "channeling your inner bitch." Thinking about that practice, that is, as a potentionally good/helpful exercise for me.

I've had some pals---particularly in the past, Back East---whose relative meekness tended to make me feel like a steamroller, just being in the same room with them, practically, let alone interacting. And I remember not liking feeling myself in that position, but at some point liking even less making myself sufficiently small as to be smaller than those very good at being very small. Not that I like being around people going the other way so much. I prefer the meek, but don't like that feeling that I can overwhelm people by doing pretty much anything more than breathing. Yet I won't get sucked into competing forever in a contest of who can give away more power.

I've not thought this thing out much at all to speak of, but here I am speaking of it anyway: it's my perception that there's some tripping point at which I don't care any more whether I come off as---or, myself, feel, relatively---bossy, dominant, or adjectives of that un-"lady-like" or scary-ogre ilk. Despite considerable discomfort with feeling situated in that sort of position. And insofar as that line or tripping point is fluid in its location, maybe I shall play with moving it more in the "bitch" direction. Cuz why not?

Don't worry, I won't start screaming at ya'll or anything like that.

I don't think of it as an assertiveness issue per se, though I suppose it is. I suppose it's more that than a dominance issue.

"Dominance" these days makes me think about dogs more than about a concept/practice in sexuality and that kind of play.

But I guess there's some echo or element of any of that business in a matter of coming into one's own power. The language matches up sometimes, after all.

I'm kinda foggy tonight, having come down quite hard from the caffeine & sunshine.

Got a Cheryl Haworth postcard at Peaceable Kingdom. It's on the fridge.

-- One Fat Lotta

Comments

[disclaimerwill.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, you could make your new handle FLOG, and that would cover both an acronym for "Fat Lotta Good" (which I think is a brilliant description and bit of wordplay, incidentally!) and an allusion to your newfound dominance. Even though, like you said, it's not that kind of dominance so much as the Dog Whisperer kind, I thought it was an amusing idea.

Off-topic: I had a dream last night that I went back to work at MR, and Sandra Lee from Semi-Homemade Cooking was working as a copy editor there too. She kept jabbering about different flavors of jelly, and you and I were surreptitiously rolling our eyes at one another and trying not to laugh. It was a very nice dream. (Bev tells me she dreamt that she and I were referring to Leonardo DiCaprio as "Robert Tart" for some reason. That's not really relevant to anything, but I found it funny.)

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. FFLOG, maybe, to retain the stuttered (or just languished-over) F? 1FFLOG. I'm liking the "One" in front. A modicum of modesty: I'm just one of the fat lots of good one might be fortunate to run into.

The dream is great. And I do love that you and I were "aside" giggling. (Jelly is funny!)

I've just decided that your sharing that one earns my sharing one I had last week: I was in bed with, and apparently in some kind of ongoing romance with, a certain copy editor (whom I shall not name here), her husband (!), and Julie Andrews. Kinda late middle-aged Julie Andrews (but very perky). And, though my conscious mind certainly finds the idea unappealing, in the dream I was having a fine time. (It was afterglow laying about when my dream joined the scene.)

Needless to say, I couldn't put it in my .plan.

Tell Bev that I have taken to referring to an actress I don't much like as "Renelle Zegwigler." It rolls off the tongue much better, doesn't it?

[disclaimerwill.livejournal.com]

I like the "One" too!

Hee! I'm going to start using the "Zegwigler" moniker too. In addition to being fun to say, it's a nice, dismissive way of referring to everyone's favorite pursed-lipped, wax-lookin' Hollywood squinter!

It's odd how those dreams can be so pleasant while they're going, and the notions so unusual or unappealing when you wake up... (Though Julie Andrews seems like she'd be a firecracker at any age.)

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Doesn't she just?

everyone's favorite pursed-lipped, wax-lookin' Hollywood squinter

That was a laugh-out-loud line for me. We could start an anti-fan club. Audience Members Unimpressed By Renelle Zegwigler. (AMBURZ) Something like that.

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

We could start an anti-fan club. Audience Members Unimpressed By Renelle Zegwigler. (AMBURZ) Something like that.

I'm in, man!! So glad to hear that someone else feels the same way! started disliking her in Jerry McGuire (she was one of many things I disliked about that movie) and my dislike of her has grown over the years.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Welcome! bigfinedaddy also lacks appreciation for the chick. I didn't see Jerry McGuire, but I did see the unfortunate Bridget Jones's Diary, during which (I believe it was) my distaste for her began. Then when the film version of Chicago happened, I just kept thinking: "I don't think I like Renelle Zegwigler. Why do all these people like Renelle Zegwigler?" I have been kinda closety about it cuz I didn't want people to think I'm just being looksist with the feeling. But then maybe I only think she's visually unappealing because of the lip-curler things about her. I hope that's it.