una auténtica montaña rusa

[fflo]

I've been doing a lot of Duolingo aprendiendo of español, and just decided to break out of the app learning and pick up "roller coaster" on my own, cuz that's what COVID has been like for me.  It's not a big super-scary heart-stopping drop kind of Russian mountain, but it sure has its ups and downs.  Yesterday and the day before were better again, although I only made it halfway down the block and back, after taking the trash and recycling out.  Today it's suddenly back to chills and sneezing.  This time the sneezing isn't as dramatic and the mucus isn't as thick, at least.

I do wonder how peppily I'll be able to return to work(ing), without paying for it.  If indeed there's a paying-for-it element when overdoing it mentally, as well as physically.  I'd had a couple of days of doing a lot of work but not much physical before I backslid so suddenly and crappily at the end of last week.

Fortunately we had today off, as a vaccination celebration day, on accounta we got to some high %age of vaccination compliance, back when the policy included that bribe.  (We're now required to be jabbed.)  As far as I know, the plan is still for us to return to the physical office again next week.  Hope we don't, though.

Such a long slog, all this contending with the virus---both as something out there in the world, for all of us, and as something inside my and seemingly not yet conquered by my physiological conglomerate (aka body).

Did take a shower today, which was needed.  And dealt with an annoying customer service call I needed to make.  And went to a Zoom recovery meeting, this one outta Nevada, on a whim.  I've only just started trying versions of my main/home program, via Zoom, at remote locations, after having done all of my meetings for a secondary program on Zoom, since before the pandemic.  It's pretty cool, dipping in on others in the fellowship.  The quirky little fellowship of the quirky.

Watched Don't Look Up.  That was good, if chilling.

My actual Christmas day was pretty good.  Managed to cook for myself, and opened presents from myself, and generally had a fine day, all things considered.  I could've (easily) fallen prey to the notion that it's pitiable and so sad to be alone on Christmas.  But I'd actually laughed out loud at a tweet from a lefty politician wishing special good wishes (via a graphic) to 6 groups of those we would all assume needed special stronger good wishes, cuzza our pitiful situations--- I don't remember them all, but they were things like having lost loved ones this year or having lost your job or being homeless or being in a natural disaster --- except then there it was:  people who aren't with family on Christmas.  Oh it even had people stuck in a toxic family as a group to be blessed specially.

I say screw this "oh you poor thing" cultural attitude toward us without family on Christmas.  We can be fine.  That cultural presumption is a big part of what makes it harder to be fine, alone on Christmas.  So fuck that.

Reckon my hair's dry enough to make the trip to the mailbox & to retrieve the trash cans.  Which aren't cans, but I'm gonna call 'em that anyway.  Maybe I'll venture down the street again & see how far I get before I think I'd better turn back.

It being the last week of the year makes it easier to take it easy with myself.  I know I'm behind at work (as I remembered, hopping on to do the payroll yesterday) but ain't cheating and working today, just to get a headstart tomorrow.  This is good.  Maybe tomorrow I'll wish I had, but it's still good.

Comments

[elainegrey.livejournal.com]

For years and years i was delighted to be just with Christine at holidays where we had our minimal observances. I think this is the first year i've felt disappointment. And honestly, there was a little relief, too, that i can imagine the togetherness without having reality spoil it. I feel more lonely in family gatherings than i ever do by myself.

Being just with Christine isn't alone, i know. People did sort of treat us as a childless couple as "alone" but surely not as much as if we were single. Growing up, there was a huge difference between having extended family visit or not — if there were no extended family, my parents fought much more. I was acculturated to "having guests" vs not having guests. Anyhow, i am glad to hear your Christmas was pretty good.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this reply. I know the thing about the couple as not being considered a family. One year an ex and I decided to have our own Christmas and not visit either (her) family, and her (big) family acted like we were crazy. If we'd had kids, they would've seen our family as legit enough to qualify as good enough to justify our own family Christmas.