that was a week that was

[fflo]

wow

friday

it's been a week-long decompression of sorts, and i do mean more than one sort, with the atmosphere at work going through quite a shake-up and settle-down (and that great roof thing in the middle), with some contemplative and productive (if quite unfinished) work at home, and with the long-held-in-suspension situation with h seeing its first significant progress in a kind of happy turn i had come to think would never be

and yeah, it was happy

so now i can feel what i probably should have been feeling long ago in that arena, and no, that's not happy

why i'm feeling lower case, i don't know

party tonight will be most welcome, though there's some tinge with me again now from the revisitation (that word from the song)---some tinge of that old intimacy that's been missing, and is so missed

kind counsellor thinks my gut tendency toward caution is good here, and now there is a new kind of gaslighting possible: the denial of how it's been for these several months · i am given the word 'betrayal' in among others, and it does stick out, as i bet it was meant to do · yet my other gut tendency, besides caution, is to want to accept any harmony offered & just go with it · it may be charlie brown going across town with his baseball glove, but there you have it · and of course, then again, it may not

apparently i am resistant to the end stop today, too