Shake it off already!

[fflo]

I feel so derailed today. It was all balled up in the work thing, but dang if it hasn't come home with me.

That debt thing I was going for--- I accomplished that, and then some, as of January 2nd, anyway, which I figure is close enough. Setting that all up last night was a high; and I've been feeling good, much of the time, here as the holidays fix to be over with; and I had ideas about this afternoon. Now I find strangers are annoying me right and left. And when Juli's mom spotted me in the Kroger's and grabbed my head to plant a smushy kiss on my cheek with a loud kissy "MMMM!" hum, I wanted to slug her. That's not good, is it?

Remembered, sitting in traffic on Warshtenawr, one thing I'd hoped to do by the end of the year that I won't. It was a small thing, and I need to let it go. I'd need to let it go if I were calling it a big thing. Let it all go. This math guy Norman said today, of this math thing: it's December 31st, let it go. Let it freakin' go.

I may have to weep some first. Geez, I'd rather not. You know?

Mere hours ago I felt so solidly in touch with my crone-to-be strong centered sense.

Comments

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

weeping helps me sometimes. i guess it's the body's response to pressure and when i don't know what else to do (or it doesn't know what else to do) then i cry (and often it feels like it cries because i surely don't know why i'm doing it).

that credit thing is good.

[(Anonymous)]

i didn't weep, as it turned out. not surprisingly, i s'pose. i felt like weeping and then didn't, which is maybe worse. or which can be rough differently, anyhow.

my "it" (that cries, or would cry) is still mostly not getting its way. perhaps the very big part of me who hates to feel so miserable is kicking it away, even though that practice, i can testify, doesn't much seem to help.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

that was me, obviously.

oh, and happy new year, O.

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

happy new year to you too :)

[squirrelykat.livejournal.com]

yes, my mom loves my friends more than me. it's all a show. glad you got over people annoying you and you were able to join the festivities friday! here's to a GREAT year, our new friend, 2009.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

and glad you know i didn't want to pop yer moms fer real, big show or not. :) 2009, our buddy? could be.

i'm remembering just now that famous buddhist story about good fortune, and staying tuned. do you know it? here's a version: http://www.renegadezen.com/zen-stories/maybe

[squirrelykat.livejournal.com]

ah yes, sometimes good comes out of bad....life is a lesson.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

yeah. and slapping labels on the goodness or badness of fortune is a silly kind of concluding while we're still (and always) in the middle of things, and complicated things whose tendrils go places we don't have a clue about now, or sometimes ever.

and it's nice (to say the least) to imagine being free of the obligation/compulsion to quantify and decide about everything.

is "tendrils" the word for offshoot branches of plants? it looks funny, up there. i don't know if i've ever typed it before.

not looking it up, though. there's enough of that kind of thing going on on my computer today. ;)