i think i need me one of those 12-step programs

[fflo]

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[fflo.livejournal.com]

oh, you know how it is when you have those moments of ambivalence about the compelling addictions of daily life.

not ambivalence, actually. that's wrong. "worrying" is better. or even something like a troubled/troubling mental spike, at feeling powerfully affected by (mysterious) emotion, or attraction, or compulsion, indubitably beyond yer control.

but you could also call that (powerfully affecting emotion) being engaged. which is a good thing. even a lifeline kind of thing.

or you could call it just being alive and going with it.

acknowledging addiction is partly about acknowledging you have no control, isn't it? if i'd been making up the steps, the next one wouldn't have been about a higher power. next probably would have been something like saying oh well, that's how that goes, and sucking it up & accepting it, that lack of control. and going right on as before, but with hands thrown up in the air. there really does feel like there could be some wisdom in such a path. to my gut.

i guess if the compulsion/desire you're talking about IS wanting more control in your life, to embrace the lack thereof is to overcome at least that one compulsion. ha! via other compulsions, maybe. (i'm thinking other compulsions like people.)

but it's sunday afternoon now and i'm immensely lazy & hungover & it's hot & i sort of love the stupor, so i'm not fighting it enough to feel (ahem) compelled to have much rigour in my thinking/words here. you know, like i usually do. (!!) along with all that clarity and brevity you're accustomed to around these parts. ;]

(i should get points, however, i submit, for including the "u" in "rigour." that word should present w/the british spelling. it's really more a mother country thing, in a way, the rigour.)