about fed up with this iambic crap

[fflo]

They say that water in your dreams means life,
Whatever you may take that line to mean.
The water also could just mean a pipe
Is leaking over where you dream your dreams.
They say we lust for what we haven't got---
Too easy to agree and disagree;
They say, as I do, lots of claptrap rot
That means whatever you decide it means.
This balmy, thick-aired night I've had enough.
I want the heaviness to break, as it won't do.
My worn-down soul wants just your simple touch,
And, thoughtlessly, and simply, to touch you.
And simple isn't anywhere in view,
And simple seems impossible with you.

Comments

[queerbychoice.livejournal.com]

Ooh! I think this is the best of the whole bunch. I particularly like how one line ends with "pipe" and the next with "dreams." Also the last line is excellent.

[bigfinedaddy.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with QBC, I had noticed the pipe/dreams and loved it. And that this is the best one yet. I also loved "They say, as I do, lots of claptrap rot." I loved the whole poem, very much. It puts to shame me collection of hatekus.

Sorry about your worn-down soul, though. I've got one to match, me Brutha. Not to mention a broke-down body from working far far far too much. Maybe that's part of my worn-down soul, too....

[fflo.livejournal.com]

y'oughta share some of them hate-kus, BFD

they boost the worn-down soul

and thanx for the good words

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

This is really good, [Unknown site tag], which I don't think I adequately expressed in our conversation. I especially like, well, I can't pick a line or two--it just works too well as a whole entity.

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

Oops, you're fflo, not [Unknown LJ tag]!

[bigfinedaddy.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm pretty sure that hatred is not generally lauded for its healing qualities! Sadly. I thought that the venting would be a kind of purge, but now I'm not so sure. There is so much hurt underneath this anger. I'm not convinced that ripping off these aging scabs will really expedite recovery. However, that said, my hateku collection needs more fleshing out before it's done! Then I'll begin a jovial collection of Hate Limericks.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Hatericks? ha! I can hardly wait.