Hello. And I mean that sincerely.

[fflo]

It's Sunday night.

I should comb out my hair so it'll be more or less dry when I'm ready to lay my head on the ol' pillow (which is about now, to tell you the truth). Thought I'd post something first, though. So hi.

I found out that my silver pattern is called Stradivari. I also found a small card/tag attached to the flyer describing the storage file thingie it's in--- a drawing of a woman with an actual piece of pink feather for a feather in the cap (or is it a boa?), and my mother's name, written by her mother, thereon. Then I found a small card of Xmas bells addressed to my mother and father from "Mother." Pretty sure that's also Bertha, v. Merl. Fountain pen. Used "Nick" for my dad.

All this to say it may not be such an easy thing to do after all.

Started out in the shower singing the spy-and-me lyrics to John Denver's "Annie's Song":

You fill up my senses
Like a mouthful of horseshit
Like the smell of some horseshit
Like the feel of horseshit
Like the sound of some horseshit
As it's hitting the pavement...

Etc. But then next thing I know I'm singing the real words, such as I can remember them. And then, t'boot, as if to say "if I can be THAT sincere, ... ," I find myself conditioning to a straight-faced rendition of "The Rose."

Jonathan Richman likes "The Rose." Once when I saw him he started to sing it and, when the (inevitable) groans started up, he stopped, said something like "Then you don't deserve to hear it," and moved on. Not laughing a bit, or even twinkley-eyeing us. I hadn't been a groaner on that particular occasion, but I could easily have been. There have been times in my life at which it'd have been compulsive.

So I'm all dead-panning, in the shower, and thinking on sincerity, and how it's a reward of age. The ability to let go of multiple levels of ironic awareness and critical thought of critical thought. At least for a few minutes, now and then. And for longer if the circumstances are right.

Then I was thinking about some people I know in their 20s, and one in particular, who is not stupid, and how you can't say "When you act that way, you advertise the very internal agony you're terrified to let out." At least it's advertised it to us old farts.

If any of you have thoughts on sincerity, on taking things seriously, that you'd like to type back at me, that'd be cool.

Comments

Re: hello world

[fflo.livejournal.com]

i must have left my yugo-card in my other pants.

:]

so bbc last night was talking of the almost-seceded province and its now-thought-lesser chances of independence, with putin in opposition (among other things). but my question for you is this: is there really such vitriol between kostunica and tadic that k would form a govt with the ultra-nationalists? bear in mind i'm just an idiot american with the most-votes-take-all election style, and how things really work with these "triumphs" of a third of the vote is pretty mysterious to me.

oh, and the history of architecture privileged one can sit and spin.

Re: hello world

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

e would be a much better source of information and interpretation on this because he is following names and things more closely. but here's what i know.

tadic's party has long been compromised and has no actual political vigor to it. people voted for it because it is the least fascist of the most familiar (theirs is the party of the assassinated djindjic; they have noone else to offer and no reasonable platform). people who didn't know who to vote for, voted for the democratic party (ie for noone, hoping at least their vote won't go to the radicals).

the radicals won at least one third of the vote, but they can't form a government. my father claims it's because they have noone competent; my mother claims it's because they are interested in disruption (meanwhile they "do business," ie steal); e claims the latter as well, plus that they are waiting for the province to secede and then they'll have another election and get 70% of the vote, when they get their share from all the currently covert fascists.

i don't see a way it won't secede. the will be war if it doesn't and there is no way more disruption will be encouraged, even if it's lesser than a war, over this. everybody's ready for it to secede, the eu is treating as a country, but it can't be said in serbia right before the election. we'll see it unfold in the next six months.

lunch with the woman human rights lawyer from the fatherandmotherland today. she "clouds and clears" over there (as they say) and finds secretly videoed executions from bosnia and gives them to tv stations; here she thinks people shouldn't want to stay; when asked what one should do in serbia, she doesn't know.

Re: hello world

[fflo.livejournal.com]

bbc said china objects, too (to UN-pressured independence), and then went on about concerns within other EU countries about precedent of not properly respecting borders of nations if kosovo becomes independent. and then they played a clip from a guy in the current serbian govt saying what version near-independence is okay w/them.

will be interested to hear more of the visiting lawyer after your lunch.

Re: hello world

[shmizla.livejournal.com]

the un protested when ex-yu was disintegrating and it went to pot over night and noone could stop it. they also had the un 'peacekeepers' oversee several massacres, just to go by the book. i do think it's a done deal. noone gives a shit about a tiny country somewhere to put it in the way of more important business? not to mention that if serbia has this support, kosovo has ten times that, and in more relevant places.