but we knew that

[fflo]

Dr. Melfi: Do you know why a shark keeps moving?

Tony Soprano: They gotta keep moving, or they die---they can't breathe or somethin'.

Dr. M.: There's a psychological condition known as alexithymia---common in certain personalities. The individual craves almost ceaseless action, which enables them to avoid acknowledging the abhorrent things they do.

T.S.: Abhorrent? [pause] What certain personalities?

Dr. M.: Antisocial personalities.

T.S.: [pause, reference to future brother-in-law, then] What happens when these antisocial personalities aren't distracted from the horrible shit they do?

Dr. M.: They have time to think about their behavior---how what they do affects other people. About feelings of emptiness and self-loathing haunting them since childhood. And they crash.

Comments

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

Okay, you may have sold me. The negative mother and the alexithymia pretty much hit home.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

A little nosing around about alexithymia revealed all kindsa food fer thought that kept me up late. Like a connection with self-injurious behaviors. And a number of ways the phenomenon is thought of, 'sides Jennifer Melfi's.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

But, yeah, you might like the show. Some, anyway. And you're gonna be outta Six Feet Unders soon enough!

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

We should be getting the first disk of season three today. Then a coupla movies, then the rest of season three. I have laundry in the washer and laundry in the dryer. And now I'm going to go finish up the pile of bills on the kitchen. Then pick up Jeff and go to the gym. All these things will enable me to "avoid acknowledging the abhorrent things [I] do." Except for the actual working out at the gym. Then I have time to think about them.

After dinner, I'll probably go to a meeting and then come home to watch my disk, if it does in fact arrive today.

I see Miriam tomorrow. I was supposed to ask my sponsor about going to a sex/love addiction group (if she thought that might be appreopriate for me). Interesting that it just came up in Six Feet Under, I guess I'll ask L about it tonight. I want to talk to Miram about this alexithymia and see what she knows about it. I've often thought that my "business" was an avoidance technique.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Not to rain on your parade of self-loathing (!), but Tony Soprano's abhorrent things---and the H-bomb's, for that matter---are nothing like your deeds (unless you've got quite the secret life going on). Not to mention that you feel feelings all the time, and are quite able to talk about your feelings (in general). Your crazy-busy activities are things like taking the kid to the pool, not whacking people. (Right?) (Uh, if I'm not right, maybe don't answer that.)

As a terribly suggestible type, and one who's felt plenty vulnerable to self-pathologizing lately, I can relate to your trying it on for size, but you ain't abhorrent, babe. Busy for avoidance, sure---I'll give you that. And busy maybe in a stress-addiction thing---kc was telling me once how people get addicted to the stress reaction, with whatever it's made up of (electro-chemically?). At least I guess we can say you live with stress in an almost constant way, and have trouble bringing yourself to take steps to reduce it, even when you know those steps will make you feel better.

Must back to work now. Sorry to blather so---I'd look back over my words and spiffy 'em up a bit if I had more time . . .

No, I don't whack people . . .

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

but I do some pretty abhorrent stuff in my opinion. I've got a number of the "seven deadlies" going on, and I juat found out from L that she now wants to revisit steps 4 & 5 because she is convinced I wasn't thorough. Or she thinks I'm ready to be more thorough now or something. I dunno.

Oh well. Gotta go marinate some chicken and take Jeff to camp and come home and bake the aforementioned poultry and cook some other stuff to take to the woman who's recuperating frm the knee surgery. Then I have to call Chrysler Financial and tell them that I can't pay them (my original typo was "lay them") until Friday. Did I mention that someone else in Elkrigde used Brian's checkcard number? We've filed a claim to get the money back, but in the meantime, we're kind of screwed.

Re: No, I don't whack people . . .

[fflo.livejournal.com]

I'm betting it's not uncommon for people to revisit steps after step 9, since the ones after that are maintenance---you know, revist them before the next full time through the process. (How often do people go through all twelve, once they're through once, or do you know? Is it, like, a set a year or something? Or strictly at-your-own-pace?)

I didn't know about the financial fraud thing. Wow. Can somebody do that from finding a receipt or something? Where did this thief(child) use it?

Hey, if you're marinating chicken, you're keeping it together at least somewhat, you know? You make me want to marinate something.

Last swim class tonight. Nervous, somehow. All thinky.

Re: No, I don't whack people . . .

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

We're not sure how the person obtained the number. They used it to order something from Helm Automotive, which is somewhere in Michigan. Supposedly the order did not go through because of a problem with the information given (like, the wrong name & address to go with the card), and Helm says they cancelled the order and refunded the money. But our bank thinks the refund must have gone into some other account becuase it was not refunded to ours.

Apparently there are lots of ways for people to get the number--from pieces of mail, unsecured Web sites, having physical custody of the card (like in a restaurant or a store). We're lucky that our thief(child) wasn't really good at stealing this type of information or he/she could have taken a lot more out of the account.

Good luck at swim class--you'll be fine. We'll talk later, perhaps.
On the other matter, I've decided not to leave a message, but I'm not going to have a discussion about it either. I am, however, going to follow through with "doing the next right thing," which I started to do (albeit not forcefully enough) before I came to see you.

Re: No, I don't whack people . . .

[fflo.livejournal.com]

You go, girl. I'm proud of you, for every (painful) step you make. I know it ain't easy. Believe me. I know.

I aim not to unleash my internal critic on me while in the pool tonight. So I haven't come as far as I'd like to've---so? Tell ya more later.