pretty hard to get past these days

or through or away from.  pain.  physical.  surely i'm avoiding some psychic pain too but i can barely think about anything except the physical.  waking up is always bad news.  that's no way to be, and that's how it is.

under the strain i found myself really outraged that the city hadn't dumped my trash into the trash truck sunday night.  i knew they'd gotten others, as my neighbors'd been piled high enough that the lid wouldn't shut.  i left it out there all day anyway, on the off chance that they'd swoop back around.  now when i drop a fresh baggie of dog poop into the bin i remember the rage of helplessness that came up in me about the damned trash.

in better spirits i might see some blessing of the universe, or at least a mysterious message, in the seemingly mistaken shipment from amazon.com, which sent me a few things recently that i actually ordered (including a new case for my old phone) (cases for outdated iphone models are cheap now, and can make your old phone feel new-ish again) (this is my third case) but also, who knows why, a box with 2 CDs in it:  the new Tony Bennett duets and a Barbra Streisand.  A compilation, I think.  Thick.

Could they possibly be a gift?  From whom?  If it's a mistake, was there a demographic element to the mistake, and if so boy am I old, no wonder I'm in pain all the time.

please gawd let's have some relatively uninterrupted unconsciousness tonight, followed by consciousness at some point.  i know better than to ask for waking up in fine fiddle.  it's like how you don't just put on your rally cap all the time.  you gotta be a little bit realistic.

pretty hard to get past these days

or through or away from.  pain.  physical.  surely i'm avoiding some psychic pain too but i can barely think about anything except the physical.  waking up is always bad news.  that's no way to be, and that's how it is.

under the strain i found myself really outraged that the city hadn't dumped my trash into the trash truck sunday night.  i knew they'd gotten others, as my neighbors'd been piled high enough that the lid wouldn't shut.  i left it out there all day anyway, on the off chance that they'd swoop back around.  now when i drop a fresh baggie of dog poop into the bin i remember the rage of helplessness that came up in me about the damned trash.

in better spirits i might see some blessing of the universe, or at least a mysterious message, in the seemingly mistaken shipment from amazon.com, which sent me a few things recently that i actually ordered (including a new case for my old phone) (cases for outdated iphone models are cheap now, and can make your old phone feel new-ish again) (this is my third case) but also, who knows why, a box with 2 CDs in it:  the new Tony Bennett duets and a Barbra Streisand.  A compilation, I think.  Thick.

Could they possibly be a gift?  From whom?  If it's a mistake, was there a demographic element to the mistake, and if so boy am I old, no wonder I'm in pain all the time.

please gawd let's have some relatively uninterrupted unconsciousness tonight, followed by consciousness at some point.  i know better than to ask for waking up in fine fiddle.  it's like how you don't just put on your rally cap all the time.  you gotta be a little bit realistic.