all the stress hitting me?

[fflo]

I'm not liking too much how I'm feeling tonight.

I think the pent-up stress of the last week, now that things are getting kind of "back to business," is starting to hit me. It doesn't help that the twitching eyebrow, and then the heart palpitations, and then the shivery exhaustedness, having hit, started a feedback loop of freaking me out; it doesn't help that the subject of mortality has never been my strong suit---frankly, it's my weakest---and that includes the intruding perception of my own. It doesn't help, either, that I'm not fully sober, nor that I'm dehydrated, nor that I keep shortchanging myself on sleep. It doesn't help that similar sensations have freaked me out before, and recently.

It helps that I got somebody on the phone. It helps that I am beginning to be able to think of what I might say about Paula in the memory book and/or blog-to-come in such a way that those thoughts make me smile as much as they make me feel like weeping.

It doesn't help that today was Secretary of State day. It doesn't help that the fucking State of Michigan will accept as "immediate family," and thus more primary than a long-term lesbian partnership, all of the following relationships:

Husband
Wife
Father
Mother
Legally Adoptive Parent
Brother
Sister
Half-Brother
Half-Sister
Son
Daughter
Legally Adopted Child
Stepmother
Stepfather
Stepbrother
Stepsister
Stepson
Stepdaughter
Grandmother
Grandfather
Grandson
Granddaughter
Legal Ward
& Legally Appointed Guardian (w/certified letter of guardianship).
It doesn't help that, like "as-legal-as-possible-for-a-same-sex-partner partner," "cousin" and "nephew" and "step-grandmother" aren't considered officially sanctionedly close, either.

It does help that my boss is so fucking cool sometimes.

It does help that BTK has signalled the whole office that it's okay to go about our business now. That he can manage, and if he can manage, we can certainly manage.

It probably didn't help, seeing E & S & S at the talk Monday, and not talking to KC about it cuz there was so much else to discuss. It probably doesn't help trying to decide so late to hit the road for the holidays, and scrambling to figure out how I might pull it off this time, and what all really needs to get done first. I don't know if it helped writing to young T.

It probably has helped going to the building. It helps to have just heard from my building buddy.

Ping-pong has definitely helped.

And it may help if I get some good sleep tonight. And if I can keep that mask on throughout.

{Ranter's Remarks: Remind me later, will one of you, to rant some more? I have some serious queer ranting in me to do, like only someone, say, starting to feel they're backing us queers into a corner can rant.}   {It helps, too. To rant.}   {That reminds me of the line in The [Queer] Addams Family that so thrilled Greg Eiselein, and me, too---almost as much as I was thrilled by his delight to think of, and tell of, it. It's when Fester is being introduced to ---is it his date, who later fucks him over? Somebody help me out here. She says, "My name is ____. It means _____." And he smiles wide-eyed big as he replies, "My name is Fester. It means 'to rot.' "}   {wednes, I know you know this one....}

Comments

[wednes.livejournal.com]

He is meeting the new nanny who says:

My name is dementia, it means insanity. So when he delivers his line, it is clear that they are made for eachother.

the bad girlfriend who he marries and ties to kill him is "Debbie".

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes... Somehow I knew I could count on you here!

[groovesinorbit]

How are you doing today? Hope you were able to get some sleep and some water in ya. Take care of yourself, girl. You're the only fflo we got!

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Thanks, P. You know what? It's the end of over a week of free coffee at work, including the tons I hit on Sunday here at the office. Each time I get free coffee I don't get water. It's insane!

The sleep I got, starting after 3, was quite good, though, and it's my late morning at work, so I'm feeling pretty good today.

[groovesinorbit]

Glad to hear it! Now I'm craving soup, though.

[lovelikeyeast.livejournal.com]

Heya, fflo. Sorry all the bad's creeping in. Please, please make time for water and soup (or insert other nutritious comfort food here) and what ever else you can think of that might force your body to feel calmer. Are you sleeping okay? xoxo

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Soup! Why do I always forget about soup? It's soup weather, even!

You know that bit at the beginning of the Moosewood (or the Enchanted Broccoli) about stock, and having it on hand? I think I feel deficient making soup if I haven't been putting potato peels and other veggie scraps in some lidded container in my fridge for weeks. But prepared soups are the worst freakin' things for sodium. . .

Have youse two ever made chestnut soup? I've been talking to onstar about chestnuts and wanting to cook with 'em.

H. was such a soup babe. A fair percentage of her seduction of me involved soup, as I recall.

[lovelikeyeast.livejournal.com]

Hmm, chestnut soup. That sounds good and thick and starchy & tasty. Never tried it...I am a fan of the chestnut, though. I use them in stuffing, and have had tasty sweetened chestnut desserts.

I often throw together a good and quick ramen soup with or w/o the msg packets. Mostly, because I really love noodle soups. And it's fast to make & satisfying and nutritious, even (if foregoing the packets).

My favorite mix: I'll boil water and add thinly sliced carrot, onion, and a bit of cabbage/broccoli/whatever I can scrounge, and a dash of dried garlic (because this is quick & lazy). Then I put in a couple of spoonfuls of broth-making paste: from $2 jars of tom yum paste from the sunshine market down the st. (they bought it out from the laotian owners previous, so have a weird mix of middle-eastern & asian); or 'better than boullion'; or dried manischevitz powder from the cabinet; or whatever. You can add smaller amts. for less salt and doctor w/fresh chilis & lime juice, or clancy's, or whatever. My favorite addition: I like to add an egg after putting in the noodles and letting that soft boil. Yummy.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

You're making my mouth water, LLY.

But you do that to all the girls, don't you . . .

[lovelikeyeast.livejournal.com]

Har. I don't run a soup kitchen, but the mission is global. Soup-starved lesbians of the world, come and get it.

[groovesinorbit]

What about soup-starved bi-s? Can we get soup, too? : )

[lovelikeyeast.livejournal.com]

Well, of course. I am also a bi. Though sometimes I call myself a gay because it sounds funny. Is this where all of the gays go?

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Though I refuse to refuse "lesbian" in the least, yeah, me too. And lately I've been oogling a muscle-y fella, along with another dyke oogler, just like so many Kinsey Zeros do. Now that is something to be closet-y about.

I want a gay zeebo in my back yard.

[groovesinorbit]

I think so. Bi sounds funny, too, actually, even more so since I've been in a straight relationship for going on 19 years. Sorta moot, really, but I yam what I yam.

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Surriously (as they used to pronounce it on the Eastern Sho' of Md), thanks for the tips on EZ soup-makin'.

Elerant! Rantomime! Count Rantula! (That one sucked ...)

[lickingtoad.livejournal.com]

In the future, don't forget to rant more.
We love your rants.

They're rantastic.

(What'm I, Scooby Doo? Ouch.)

Re: Elerant! Rantomime! Count Rantula! (That one sucked ...)

[fflo.livejournal.com]

Why, ty! And, I dunno, "Count Rantula" ain't so bad---though "Rantomime" is pretty great. 'Cept that it really should refer to a mime going off, silently but crazily. Disgruntled mime.

I was once an angry mime for a Halloween party. Painted a big frown and angry eyebrows on my face, wore a striped shirt and gloves, and went around giving everybody the (gloved) finger all night.