kill me now. only don't. only do. only don't.

[fflo]

Morning's gonna come early.

I had the misfortune---I forgot to mention to my companion this evening---of thinking of a line from Desert Dykes today.

I have the additional/attendant misfortune of being unable not to scoff at myself thinking of lines from a canonical dyke movie. Sheesh, already. It's not even one of the better lines. Or one I think of much, ordinarily, insofar as those lines sometimes come to me.

Wanted earlier to throw the (my/this) body into freezing water & get hypothermiacky. Didn't do it. Didn't really want to do it. But wanted something like that. Do you ever want something like that? It wouldn't have to be exactly that. There's the thing about smashing my face into something, or something into my face. Or ---something dramatic. Something physical and dramatic. Something that would occupy all the nerve endings completely, or some of the nerve endings so much it might as well be all of 'em. Not the brick in the head, though. I spoke too soon on that one. Not the brick. It's not all in the noggin, anyway. And, besides, that'd really hurt.

I have a zit on my nose. No, that's good. O says it's good. Or she says it means hormones, anyway.

Yeah, I've been drinking, officer. Pig. Do you know the expression "I smell bacon"? meaning there are cops around?

Ever have someone who was terminally ill suggest that, after she dies, you take up extreme sports and undertake other high-risk activities so that, without exactly commiting suicide, you might nonetheless be reunited sooner?

Do you think there's no way in hell I'll ever actual break out in dangerous inviting of hypothermia or other extreme physical craziness? If so, would you like to dare/goad/shame me into it? Please? I guess I'd prefer dare or goad, but I'm not in a position to be particular. Too bad about the weight limit at the freakin' skydiving thing. Skydiving shouldn't have weight limits. The whole point is that you plummet. And I have wanted to skydive for years now.

I wonder if Suzanne regretted her plunge into Lake McDonald that day years ago, in Glacier, on the last day before the park closed for the winter. I think she did regret it, at least right after she did it. I think she was only glad of it much later, when it was but a story to tell, and no longer the sense of "oh shit" mortality she'd (presumably) been going for. When just the two of us were down there and she couldn't stop shaking & was practically in shock... well. Maybe it was actually great.

Wonder if I'm violating my new horoscope advice.

I got a lot going on & nothing right to channel it into. Hope I get some really engaging dreams tonight, anyway. I shall imagine that that'll happen as I go to sleep. Stevie's therapist told him that you can make yourself remember them, at least, by telling yourself before sleep that you will. I believe he said it worked, but that he found out his dreams were all nightmares, so he wasn't going to be sticking with the program.

Don't think; just throw.

can't find the freakin' "off" switch tonight

Comments

At Least It Wasn't Claire of the Moon

[schroederjt.livejournal.com]

Or Personal Best. I can forgive Desert Hearts almost anything, because I really like the scene where they kiss in the rain.

Also, I think you should climb a mountain. That would be extreme.

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

Well, you made a good LJ entry out of it. Nice surrealism without being overly confusing, revealing of who you are, but not in a way that could be summarized into something shorter when you are done reading--engaging images, reverences that are not so obscure that I couldn't make sense of them from context.

I found that when I started paying attention to my dreams, I started remembering more and mor of them. Or maybe they just thrived on attention, and peerformed more and more, until my whole life was consumed with these funny little stories and snippets.

Sometimes terrifying, but generally just frustrating. Like flying dreams where you can't get more than 3 feet off the ground. Like the hobby shop with the cool models that never existed, but they are all missing parts.

Or like the secret room in my parents house where they kept all the toys they forgot to give us for christmas. That's what Dave's chest of wooden trains would have been, if it weren't real. That's why I have wooden trains on my kitchen table right now--Dave rescued them from that dream and left for me to find when he died.

Re: At Least It Wasn't Claire of the Moon

[fflo.livejournal.com]

where'd i put that goddamn mountain?? soon as i get all this laundry put away, and the rug vacuumed.......

I love hating Claire of the Moon. It's the worst movie I've ever seen.

I forgive Desert Hearts for everything. I love it in the most wonderfully undiscriminating ways.

thanks for this comment, J

[fflo.livejournal.com]

reverences

i like that --- esp. if it's a typo

they/we oughta say "lord love a typo" ---or even "god loves a typo"

didn't end up remembering the dreams, whatever they mighta been. if there were dreams.

(i'm pretty sure there were dreams. ='} )

no goading or daring but

[(Anonymous)]

I've got your shame right here.

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WIN! It was a typo! I'da never used that word in a sentence!

Re: no goading or daring but

[fflo.livejournal.com]

:o !

;]

Re: At Least It Wasn't Claire of the Moon

[vjsmom.livejournal.com]

Claire of the Moon. Ah, what can be said about such a film? It's probably the worst movie I've ever seen, but I did have fun enjoying its awfulness. (Is that even a word? wtf, it is now.)

As for Desrt Hearts, I only saw it once or twice, so I don't quote lines from it--except for one--"My dawgs hurt." I love that expression, and I was ot familiar with it before seeing that movie. (I still don't know if it's something people say that was just picked up for the film--whatever-I like it, and I use it a lot.)

Re: At Least It Wasn't Claire of the Moon

[fflo.livejournal.com]

wasn't there a "my dawgs can't breathe" line, in a TV commercial or something a long time ago?

[sprig5.livejournal.com]

Whew-- I was at Lake McDonald in 1999, but didn't jump in it. I don't remember that Desert Hearts line. And I still have not seen Claire....I had a great dream the other night, but most of my dreams have a family stress component to them.

Re: At Least It Wasn't Claire of the Moon

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

My dawgs can breathe
I can wear shoes
I can go to school
I can be SOMEBODY!!!!!

Re: At Least It Wasn't Claire of the Moon

[fflo.livejournal.com]

??????

wait... found it!

[fflo.livejournal.com]

you have to scroll down to the middle of this here page --- though you may find some of the rest of it amusing, my contemporary!

[fflo.livejournal.com]

I, uh, never actually mentioned the line I'd thought of.

It's still premature now, anyway---and I hope will remain that way. Though I have my doubts.

[sprig5.livejournal.com]

Say what, cagey one? I still love DH. I bought the DVD and listened to all the commentary about its making-- pretty cool. It does have a great cast--all of whom were actually daring, vis a vis their career health--for even taking the roles--and a great soundtrack. And a great heart. And some good lines, none of which I can think of right now. Of course, one it purports to be its best, isn't, IMHO: "[S/he] just reached in and wrapped a string of lights around my heart." There was also "I was attracted to his attraction to me" (Cay, about her erstwhile boyfriend).

I guess one thing that's always bugged me a little about DH is that sometimes the timing in the scenes seems to be off, and I think this is caused by the writing or the editing, not the actors. Sometimes the emotion doesn't seem fit to the occasion.

DH did have a daring sex scene--long, with a lot of space in it, and no soundtrack music. I think it still really stands out for this scene.

I watched it most recently with zrgkdx, and she didn't much "get" it. She did point out how Cay's short shorts were very 80s--things we could overlook.

Oh-- just thought of a great line: when the camera is panning (?) through the casino, we briefly see an Eastern European female gambler smoking a cig and cranking a slot machine. She shrugs and says, in her accent: "You don't play; you don't win." That's the director, Donna Deitch, in a cameo. Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Deitch (reference to Gwen Welles--she played casino worker Cay's gf in the very beginning of the film.)

[sprig5.livejournal.com]

of course, zrgkdx is of a different generation: Y! but i guess we could say you, uh, "straddle" boomer and x, right? or are you firmly in x?

[fflo.livejournal.com]

"...string of lights..." <--- eh. okay; whatever.

"i'm handlin' it" <--- yehhhh

"i suggest you change your seat" <--UH-hunh

and those are just a coupla the non-gooshy ones

[sprig5.livejournal.com]

"i'm handlin' it"--classic and well timed! Audra Lindley in a great role (she was Mrs. Roper of "Three's Company" and "The Ropers")

"i suggest you change your seat" --that is one of those ones that just doesn't work that well for me. it took me about 8 viewings to even get it. (The days before subtitles: What is she saying? Then: "Why is she saying "change your seat"???? Then: Ohhhhh.) maybe because the "from where i sit" part that the guy (Dean Butler, Laura's husband on "Little House on the Prairie"?) says just slips by so easily as natural vernacular, it seems weird that the steeped-in-vernacular Silver would be self-aware enough to choose to respond to the literal words of it. Something about it just doesn't ring true for me.

or maybe, my attention thus drawn to his actual words, i then find that it's odd that he would choose them, like they're a whiff effeminate or something. (but of course he could be a "latent" sort of guy.)

maybe Donna Deitch wrote the line.