Very strangely, I was at a club Saturday night that was projecting The Life Aquatic on the far wall; of course I couldn't hear any dialogue or score over the drum n bass, but there it was. I grew up in a very "Greater than yourself" family--the idea that I had a larger, grander purpose than anyone else was drummed into me damn near daily, with all the attendant feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure. Dedications were a big deal, and kind of cheap. Any occasion or achievement called for libations, dedications, grandiose words. Now, instead of being touching, I tend to roll my eyes at them. They don't make me feel closer; they push me away. Public dedications, at least. Private ones to the self, or to another party unconscious or dead, those I respect. But public ones seem to be more for the glory of the speaker, ironically.

That's all about the act of dedication. The concept, of devoting something, that's entirely different. Something of the faith of the act resonates with me. My secret desire to shave my head and become a revolutionary nun, I guess. I like determine too; the concrete action it implies, the single-mindedness of focus on a goal or outcome. But that's also the source of my beef with it: it doesn't have room for flexibility, or a change of mind after greater insight. Too many variables abound.

Now I need a box of Samosas.