Here's some sitting-down stand-up for ya.

[fflo]

You know that thing about how if you had a roomful of monkeys typing indefinitely, like for infinity hours, they'd eventually type all of Shakespeare's plays?  That's, y'know, a great thought piece, and, like, concept illustrator [there's a word for that that I can't think of but would try to figure out before doing the stand-up, so imagine I did], but to me the real mind-blower is something else.  What I can't stop thinking about all the near misses.  Like, there'd be a day---yet another day [big-eyes look to audience]---when everybody's still there [other look, bored another-day-at-the-office], and Monkey François has almost typed all of Hamlet perfectly ... yep, "good night, Sweet prince", and here comes Fortinbras, all what-the-fuck-is-this, and he & Horatio have been back-and-forth, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are dead, etc. etc., and now here we're down to those last few lines, "Such a sight as this / Becomes the field, but here shows much amiss"--- it's so close!--- and soon we're all the way to the very last character, and then you realize ol' Françie's typed "Go, bid the soldiers shooz" [delay on pronouncing the "z", or maybe use another letter].  I mean, is that a "D'oh!" or is that a "D'oh!"?  For every actual full Shakespeare play one of them types, there'd be, what, --- where's a statistician when you need one?  Is there a statistician in the house?  --- there'd be SO many not-quite-Shakespeare-plays.

I don't know if I could take it.  I don't think I could take it.